Emergency “I’m not freaking out about Tom Brady’s thumb” Post

Some thoughts now that Tom Brady has been upgraded on the injury report to “questionable” for Sunday’s Conference Championship Game.

• HOLYFUCKINGSHITOHMYGODNOPLEASESHITGODDAMMITNOPLEASEUHOHGODDAMMITNONONONONONOSHITNO
• Belichick loves to mess with the injury report. Brady has been questionable like 40 times and never missed a game
• NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
• Tom Brady could beat the entire league left handed
• I do not want to see him try
• Look at this shit eating grin. There’s no way he’s THAT hurt: 
• I’ve secretly been scared of Jacksonville as the playoffs got closer and closer. I’ve had those, “This may sound stupid but Jacksonville has the type of defense and running game that can beat the Pats” conversations with… well, just myself, but I was very convincing.
• But then I remember Blake Bortles
• Look how worried he looks in this picture though:

• We still have four awesome running backs. FOUR
• OHMYGODTHISSUCKSOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD
• This will be fine
• 
• It would make sense that, in a year where a dozen of the league’s most exciting players, on the eve of the Conference Championship games, Conference Championship games that feature Nick Foles, Case Keenum and Blake Bortles, the league’s most famous player would get hurt and we’d get to watch Brian Hoyer instead.
• On the bright side, if Tom Brady doesn’t play on Sunday, and the Pats lose, I will have the best, most stress-free Super Bowl Sunday. I will cook and eat all of the wings. I will have both Morning Beer and Shower Beer and then have all of the other beers after that. I will buy like 14 squares. I will gamble on the coin flip. I will get hammered and end up going to bed right after Justin Timberlake shows me a titty during the halftime show.