Power Rankings

PowerRanks 2021 – Week 1

New format. No long ass intro. Power Ranks only. Commentary in 240 characters or less. And I’m giving myself an hour to bang this shit out. 1 hour. And according to this instagram post that’s only 4% of my day. 

I should totally be able to afford 4% of my day. Apparently this chick doesn’t have a job. Or sleep. So, of course she can afford to give up just a single hour of her infinite time. If you account for sleep and a job, then an hour accounts for 13% of your day. And if you have kids, an hour amounts to -354% of your day. But I think I can do this. 


12. Stage Coach’s Sashay Cafe

Should’ve spent a little more time drafting than rapping. Maybe Aaron Rodgers needed to be grabbed below the belt.

11. I draft drunk

It was apparently a bad idea to keep peeking at Micho’s computer before each one of my picks.

10. Ron Swanson

A “W” is a “W”. Celebrate by eating all of the bacon and eggs.

9. Coffin Flops

I got smoked! I can’t wait to be really mediocre this year. Toppa Bowl hangover baby!

8. Return of the Mac

Matt Stafford and a whole lotta nothin else.

7. TB12 of Pink Football

18.70 is a bad game for Christian McCaffery. He was 13 yards shy of having 100 rushing yards AND 100 receiving yards.

6. Hit Me Brady One More Time

This team name is like 17 years old at this point


Woody beat Micho by 50 points while sitting next to him at OBs. Savage. 

4. The Hungry Heifer

50 Burger from Pat Mahomes. Clearly that grab below the belt did something for both of them.

3. #01CamTacoCatMac10#

Speaking of team names. Jesus fucking Christ. Every fucking year #Nick. Anyway, PWood outscored him, but strength of schedule is pushing #Nick higher this week.

2. Blues_Fuse

Wow. Is Timmy’s team good? (I don’t know) Could Ty’Son Williams be the steal of the draft? (No) Will thinking Breshad Perriman and Parris Campbell are the same person end up being a fortunate mistake? (Also, no)

1. BeerGutMethod

Give him the belt right now. 2-time champion: JBiggs! Congrats buddy! 

Survivor Update: Timmy and PWood already have an X

Time’s up! Set yer lineups and make your picks. The New York FOOTBALL Giants play the Washington Football Team (-3.5). Ugh! Avoid this game like COVID.

And remember:

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