2021 Power Ranks – Week X

Sorry I missed last week. It must’ve been Daylight Savings fucking me up.

Why do we do this? There’s no reason whatsoever. I was standing outside with a bunch of my neighbors watching our kids play, and it started getting dark, and we were like, “Okay kids, time to head inside.” and it was FOUR FUCKING FIFTEEN.

What’s the worst part about traveling? Jet lag. Fucks you up. You have a hard time sleeping, but you’re tired all the time. You’re hungry at weird times. It blows. Everybody hates jet lag. And yet we do it to ourselves TWICE A YEAR!

#PowerRankings

Damn, we got a Five Dollar Frank Gore with 5 teams at 5-5. The run up to the playoffs is going to be interesting this year I can feel it in my plums.

12. Coffin Flops

What do you get for getting blown out by the team in second to last place and forgetting to do a blog? Last place in the #PowerRankings

11. Tua Lipa

JeffWho has lost 2 weeks in a row, putting up 71 and 89 points.

10. The QuOIR Boys

Even though #nick’s team is in dead last and put up less than a hundred this week, I can’t put him in last place yet. #BootBrothers

9. TB12 of Pink Football

3rd highest scoring team in the league. 10th best record.

8. I draft drunk

Micho beat JeffWho and is at Disney. He’s like a kid in a candy store right now.

7. Return of the Mac

Vegas is in second to last place, but this week he put me over his knee and gave me a proper spanking. Plus, he started his modeling career.

6. Blues_Fuse

Timmy’s averaged 107 points over the last 3 weeks and is somehow in 4th.

5. Bath Salts & Celery

Buckets, man. Dude was winless, in last place, repeat 12 spot in the #PowerRanks, and the dude turned it around. Shit is wild.

4. The Hungry Heifer

PWood has fallen back into the pack a bit, but he’s still the second highest scoring team in Toppa League, averaging 147 points per week.

3. RODEWAY INN

A review from Steve O. (probably not that one) from Somerset, PA

“A complete DUMP. Looks like a welfare motel. Does not look anything like their pictures on there wensite. [sic]”

I found this funny. The pictures on the website do NOT look good. I can’t imagine how bad the rooms are if Steve is saying this.

“No chairs to sit on, just the bed. Wires hanging down from the TV (exposed) . Maybe enough closet space for a small child.”

Now Steve, this is perfect for the RODEWAY INN’s clientele. They need the closet to be just big enough to fit a small child

“No clock radio.”

This is what you’re complaining about?! There’s a murder stain on the carpet, which I didn’t like, but got over, but they didn’t have a clock radio. How was I supposed to wake up to Turner and the Z Dog with no clock radio.

“carpet was dirty etc etc. Do yourself a favor, find another motel.”

Yeah, no shit.

2. Ron Swanson

“Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream, or be nothing.”

1. Beer Gut Method

JBiggs is in first with the highest scoring team in the league, putting up 155 points per week. I feel like he’s ready to clinch a playoff spot, but I have no idea how many weeks there are in the SZN anymore.

Survivor Update: Hang on, hang on, hang on. You get an ❌ for a tie?!?!?! That… is some… BULL… SHIT! Anyway, I picked up an ❌for that tie. Timmy and JD got 💀 by that tie. Baltimore losing to Miami got a lot of people last week too. There’s only 4 teams not 💀 left: Me, Woody, JBiggs, and (I think) Micho, and all 4 of us have an ❌. Things are getting tighter than an Arsenal jersey.

Times Up! Oh shit the Pats (-4) are on tonight! Later!