Two two hundo burgers this week! I don’t know if that’s ever happened before!
12. Bath Salts & Celery
I mean at this point, try and shoot the moon. Like, if Buckets actually tries the whole SZN and loses every game, I say we give him a belt.
11. Return of the Mac
Vegas thought he righted the ship last week, picking up his first win of the SZN. But the ship is back on course, with another loss this week. It’s not the course he wants. More like a crash course. Much like this metaphor I’ve somehow become stuck in.
9. I draft drunk
First win of the SZN! And a Birthday! Let’s go! Keep it rolling! Order up a case of Pumpkin Spice Bud Light Seltzers and Party On Wayne!
The Fuse is lit! Except not in a good way. More like a “The fuse to one of those big, black cartoon bombs is lit, but the fuse itself is really, comically long and it’s traveling around the room and Wile E Coyote is chasing it around trying to blowing it out, then the bomb blows up in his face” type of way.
7. TB12 of Pink Football
I continue to not really have much to say about Brendo’s team. Every week, I think, “TB12 of Pink Football… um… Hi, I’m in Delaware.”
He also got blown out by 100 points this week.
6. Tua Lipa
JeffWho’s got maybe the most consistent team in the league right now. He’s scored 140, 134, 135 and 134 points so far this SZN. Good news if he plays someone who scores under 120. Bad news if he plays someone who scores over 140. Feels like a 6th or 7th place finish.
5. Coffin Flops
That’s a nice 2 week winning streak you’ve got there. It’d be a shame if something happened to it…
4. RODEWAY INN
Woody was blown away this week. Just like you’ll be blown away by one of The Rodeway Inn’s palatial rooms. Like this standard “Guest Room with tv”:
That’s how fancy this place is. They brag about providing you with a TV. Look at that TV!! That thing is like 90 pounds! You have to really search if you wanted to find a tube TV. You don’t have to worry about it not having a remote though, because you can just reach the TV without getting out of bed.
3. Ron Swanson
“You had me at ‘Meat Tornado.’”
Why is a 3-1 team ahead of a 4-0 team in the #PowerRanks? Anytime you put up a Two Hundo Burger, you get vaulted to the top of the #PowerRanks.
1. The Hungry Heifer
Unless of course, a 4-0 team puts up an even bigger Two Hundo Burger that same week! PWood now has just under 700 points over 4 weeks. He’s averaging 170 points per week.
Survivor Update: Puddin PWood is OUT
Time’s up. We got a doozy tonight. Rams at the Seabirds (+2.5). Not only is this game great, the Seahawks are wearing their offensively bright, highlighter “Action Green” unis.
While the Rams are in Bone on Bone.
I love it. It’s fantastic! I can’t wait to have an aneurysm while watching this game.
Also! Put the kettle on! Because we got some London footy this weekend. 9:30am! Jets! Falcons! I feel like this is just rubbing salt in the wound that we won the Revolutionary War.