League Updates

PowerRanks 2021 – Week 5

What a week! Things in Toppa League just got tighter than my pants on Thanksgiving Day. Both 4-0 teams lost and we now have 6 teams within 1 game of each other.

Last week, I was suped on 2 Two Hundo burgers, and this week we had two in the same matchup! Woody and Brendo went toe to toe this week, each putting up over 200 points. The matchup ended with Brendo on top by just 0.9 points…

Until stat corrections were processed this morning. Woody picked up 1 and a half tackles (one of which was from Zeke!) and the matchup flipped in Woody’s favor:

This is the craziest thing I’ve ever seen.


12. #01CamTacoCatMac10#

#Nick is now on a 4 game losing streak. He’s only put up more than 121 points once this SZN

11. Blues_Fuse

“You remember how in the beginning of the season, Timmy looked like he had a really good draft, even though he got hammered and was super annoying, and that he put up 195 points in Week 1 and had a really strong win in Week 2? And then one day, he was like, ‘Oh hey, guess what? Big news, my team actually sucks and I’m going to lose 3 in a row and struggle to put up points each week.’ Can we just talk about that? Because I realize that was kind of abrupt.”

“I guess I just wanted to say that after all these years, Timmy still sucks at Fantasy Football. Still. And I’m super glad we’re still friends.”

10. I draft drunk

The win streak ends at 1.

9. Return of the Mac

Vegas hasn’t put up great numbers all SZN. He’s averaging 129 points per week and his 2 wins come by a combined total 12 points.

8. Bath Salts & Celery

That’s how you do it! Never underestimate the team name change!! Buckets picks up his first win of the SZN with authority! He put up 164 points and beat the previously undefeated, first place PWood by 20 points.

7. Tua Lipa

JeffWho is riding a 2-game winning streak, but I think he may be benefiting from a bit of a creampuff schedule at this point. He’s played Timmy, Buckets, Brendo, JBiggs, and #Nick. That’s a combined record of 7-13. He’s also lowest scoring of all the 3-2 teams.

6. TB12 of Pink Football

Brendo is no longer Delaware. He’s no longer a boring state, but an incredibly unlucky one. I’m not sure which on that is. California? Louisiana? Anyway, Brendo lost by 0.6 points 48 hours after he won that matchup, a matchup he put up 213 points in, by the way. He’s also the 4th highest scoring team in the league, but is sitting at 2-3.

5. Coffin Flops

The win streak continues BAY-BEEEEE! The third win in a row comes with big one this week against JD’s previously undefeated team.

Fun note: I have 3 quarterbacks and yet I have no quarterbacks. I have started Ryan Tannehill twice, Jameis Winston (he scored 10 points, the week after he put up 44, and I immediately cut him), and Sam Darnold twice. I finally cut Justin Fields because he’s only scored 30 points all year. But don’t worry, I replaced him with Taylor Heineken.

4. Ron Swanson

3. Beer Gut Method

Wins in back-to-back weeks for JBiggs. He’s now the 3rd highest scoring team in the league.

2. The Hungry Heifer

PWood picked up his first loss of the SZN to Buckets this week, but he’s still the highest scoring team in the league by about 50 points. For reference, he’s averaging 167 points per week. The next best team, Woody, is putting up 156 per week. He’s almost 11 points per week better than the next best team in the league. Then I realized this…

No moves! This is clearly “I just had a kid, I have no time for waivers,” but that makes this even more impressive.


The only thing closer than Woody’s win over Brendo this week are the toilets and beds at the RODEWAY INN.

“Bathroom in guest room” Yes the bathroom is LITERALLY in the guest’s room.

Survivor Update: PWood is 💀. Vegas and Timmy each have an ❌

Times up! Tampa (-7) plays Philly tonight. Man, I remember seeing something that the NFL is phasing out the “one helmet rule” meaning that throwback helmets were coming back. Unfortunately, that’s not happening till after the season. Man, what I wouldn’t give to see Tom Brady in a Creamsicle Bucs uniform matching up against Philly in some sweet, sweet Kelly Green. Alas, I’ll have to wait.

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