Power Rankings

Toppa Conference Championship Weekend Preview

Looking at social media, you see a lot of the same phrases over and over and over and over and over and overandoverandoverandover again. And even worse, you see a number of them used in the wrong context which makes it even worse. I decided I was going to power rank these phrases but I could only think of a half dozen of them. But there’s one that would’ve been the number one spot I now am so fucking over, and even if we can’t power rank them all, it still needs to be discussed. 

So, Phrases I’m Over #PowerRanks… 

“Let’s Go!!!!”

That’s it.

That’s the list.

That’s the one I’m done with.

I’m over “Let’s Go”. I don’t want any more “Let’s Go”s in my life. Let’s NOT Go. Let’s do something else. Let’s do ANYTHING else.

Look, I get it. You’re a “LET’S GOOOO!!!” guy. I was a “LET’S GOOOOO!!!” guy. We all were. But that’s the problem. When it’s at the point where you turn to your buddy on the couch and say “wanna get a burger?” and he responds “Let’s GO!!!!” we need to put a stop to it. 

When I have to watch Tom Brady make awkward small talk during the Hertz commercials with that Kirkland-Brand-Lily-from-AT&T and their slogan is “Let’s Go,” shit needs to change. If “Let’s Go” is on the same level as “Nobody Outpizzas the Hut,” then it’s done. D-U-N, DONE.

So we’re going to #PowerRank “Replacements for ‘Let’s Go’”. We here at #PowerRanks HQ have devised an intricate scoring system for determining which phrase is best for replacing “Let’s Go” Each category will be scored on a scale of 1-5, then totaled at the end. The categories are: 

  1. Screamability: If you scream it at the top of your lungs, does it fire up you and everyone around you
  2. Intensity: If you look someone dead in the eyes and say the phrase with intense seriousness, does it fire up you and that person up even more
  3. Fuckable: Can you put a “Fucking” in the middle, a la “LFG”
  4. Extra Points: Is there anything else about the phrase that makes it work? Is it badass? Is it weird, but not just weird, so fucking weird that it actually kinda works? Does it have a certain je ne sais quoi

Phrases that didn’t make the cut:

  • Carn – (Australia, informal) An exclamation of support or approval, usually for a sporting (especially football) team. This one had a lot to it, especially the “foreign phrase” factor, but in the end, it felt like too hard of a sell. 
  • Let’s Cook – I really, really liked this one, but I can’t get over the Walter White factor
  • Turn it Up – This just didn’t have enough to make the list

12. Let’s Ride

Screamability: 1

Intensity: 1

Fuckable: (Let’s Fucking Ride) 2

Extra Points: 0

Overall: 4

This sucks. Russell Wilson is a dork and there’s nothing he can do about it. Oh, he’s trying. But he’s a fucking dork. 

Unless you are in a biker gang and you are about to take revenge on another biker gang, “let’s ride” isn’t cool.

11. Bring It On

Screamability: 2

Intensity: 3

Fuckable: (Bring It Fucking On) 1

Extra Points: -1

Overall: 5

I can’t use this without thinking about the cheerleading movie, which was a good movie, but is still a movie about cheerleading. 

10. Get Cracking

Screamability: 2

Intensity: 3

Fuckable: (Get Fucking Cracking) 3

Extra Points: 1

Overall: 9

10. Shake A Leg

Screamability: 1

Intensity: 2

Fuckable: (Shake A Fucking Leg) 2

Extra Points: 4

Overall: 9

Sometimes I just want to bring back phrases that have fallen out of everyday use, but they totally still work. Like “for the birds”. One time recently I was talking to someone and they go “Ugh, that shit is for the birds!” I was dumbfounded. It was amazing. They could’ve said, “that sucks” but everyone says, “that sucks.” Same with “Let’s Go,” everyone says it now. So maybe we should try bringing back some classics.

Or am I just a dad that needs other phrases to use besides, “FUCKING COME ON AND PUT YOUR COAT ON!!”? Yes. Yes I do.

9. Look Lively

Screamability: 3

Intensity: 4

Fuckable: (Look Fucking Lively) 1

Extra Points: 2

Overall: 10

I like this one, it just doesn’t have enough in the Screamability and Fuckable categories. Doesn’t check all the boxes.

8. Let’s Do This

Screamability: 3

Intensity: 4

Fuckable: (Let’s Fucking Do This) 3

Extra Points: 0

Overall: 10

This one is a little too close to “Let’s Go” but, admittedly, isn’t as good as “Let’s Go!”

7. Mount Up

Screamability: 1

Intensity: 4

Fuckable: (Mount the Fuck Up) 2

Extra Points: 3

Overall: 11

Why Russell Wilson didn’t choose “Mount Up” I’ll never know. If it’s cool enough for Regulators, it’s cool enough for everyone, even a fucking dork like him. 

6. Showtime

Screamability: 3

Intensity: 3

Fuckable: (Fucking Showtime) 1

Extra Points: 4

Overall: 11

This is specifically “Showtime” not “It’s Showtime.” By it being, just “Showtime” it gives you a little bit more. You don’t need the “It’s.” The “It’s” taskes away from that fact that it is, indeed, “Showtime!” 

5. Get The Lead Out

Screamability: 3

Intensity: 2

Fuckable: (Get The Fucking Lead Out) 2

Extra Points: 5

Overall: 12

So this one is ranked so high because of all the extra points it earns, which it gets for being metal as fuck. Unfortunately, that’s not enough to overcome it’s other poor scores.

4. The Time Has Come

Screamability: 2

Intensity: 5

Fuckable: (The Time Has Fucking Come) 3

Extra Points: 2

Overall: 12

I kinda love this one. It reminds me a bit of this clip that they play at Celts games:

https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkxo8wN37xSZgxqhFnMbb2OtgBQn840Bf-a

The intensity is great, but it’s a bit too long to yell consistently. When someone says “The Time Has Come!” though, it kinda stops you in your tracks.

3. Skoda

Screamability: 4

Intensity: 3

Fuckable: (Fucking Skoda) 3

Extra Points: 3

Overall: 14

When doing research, I went to the place where everyone looks for “words for other words,” no not a Thesaurus, Urban Dictionary. And Urban Dictionary tells me that “Skoda” is a portmanteau that Zoomers use, which combines “Let’s Go To The…” It apparently also has a wicked dirty meaning, like everything on Urban Dictionary, that I don’t even want to write here, plus this is my work computer. You can look it up. 

So plus extra points for being new and interesting and unheard of. Plus extra points for being a one-worder. But minus extra points for being absolutely disgusting. 

2. Suit Up

Screamability: 4

Intensity: 4

Fuckable: (Suit the Fuck Up) 3

Extra Points: 4

Overall: 15

2. Giddyup

Screamability: 4

Intensity: 4

Fuckable: (Fucking Giddyup) 3

Extra Points: 4

Overall: 15

These two are great. (Again, why didn’t Russell Wilson use “Giddyup?”) The only downside of these is that they’re too closely tied to a sitcom. You can’t say either of these without thinking about How I Met Your Mother or Seinfeld. Granted How I Met Your Mother ended almost 10 years ago and Seinfeld is 25 years old (FEEL OLD??), so maybe it could be okay to bring them back? But I can’t say either of these without hearing Barney or Kramer say them. 

1. Vamos

Screamability: 5

Intensity: 4

Fuckable: (Fucking Vamos) 3

Extra Points: 4

Overall: 16

This is perfect. It’s a one-worder, which means you can use it so much more easily. It means the exact same thing. It’s like a reboot, but in a different language. So more like a remake? I dunno. But it checks all the boxes and is instantly cool because it’s in a different language. Do you not love tacos and burritos? Of course you do! Fucking Vamos!

Wild, Wild Card Weekend Recap

After Further Review – 136.20

The QB Controversy of ‘22 – 123.10

Josh Allen was 0.1 points short of a fifty burger. It was basically all Woody needed to secure the win, which was a good thing, because it’s basically all he got. His WRs combined for under 20 points and his RBs score just 3 points, TOTAL.

Firssss DOWWWWNNN – 119.70

Midday High Tides – 78.25

Hope these guys lived it up in Nashville and didn’t watch football because this was a stinker. Daniel Jones vs Ryan Tannehill ended up being every bit as exciting as we thought it would be, as Tannethrill edged out Jones 12.35 to 11.50. This matchup had 13 total players in single digits. Dalvin Cook put up 28 points for Micho, which was enough to get Micho to the next round.

The #LetMacSmack Attack – 134.20

Porta-potty dumps – 133.40

JBiggs had 3 different defenses on his roster. Denver and Jacksonville put up 18 and 19 points, respectively, on his bench. He ended up playing Green Bay, needing 20. No way he gets 3 defenses to put up that many points. He almost got it!! Green Bay fell one point short and #nick stayed alive.

No Venmo for Soto – 210.10

Titties and Beer ( . )( . ) 🍻 – 117.60

Jesus fucking Christ!! Buckets put up 210 points this week. That’s the second highest total in Toppa Playoffs?!?!!! History. (I still can’t believe PWood put up 290 points in one week) On top of Trevor Lawrence putting up 43 points, Buckets had 5 other players put up 20+. I guess his Defense didn’t play great? 

Championship Weekend Preview

East Lot and West Lot Championship games! Winners go to the Toppa Bowl. VAMOS!!

East Lot Conference Championship Game

#1 Firssss DOWWWWNNN (12-3) vs #6 The #LetMacSmack Attack (9-6)

Line: The #LetMacSmack Attack (-5)

O/U: 270

Previous Matchup: Back in week 6, Micho lost to #nick in a close, but ugly matchup, 126-118. #nick jumped out to an 18-point lead on Thursday and held on for dear life to hand Micho his second loss of the SZN and knock him out of first place.

Match Preview: The surprise underdog favorite! This one looks like it’s going to be Micho’s RBs against #nick’s WRs. Micho’s starting Dalvin Cook, Saquon Barkley and Josh Jacobs, who combined for 57 points last week. On the other side of the matchup, #nick’s got Tyreek Hill, Justin Jefferson and Terry McLaurin, who totalled 42 last week. All six of these guys have the potential to put up serious numbers. 

And maybe they all cancel each other out. At that point, it would come down to QB. Micho is severely missing Lamar Jackson, who’s still out with an injury. Does he try and go with Daniel Jones again, or does he smell what the Brock is cooking? 

West Lot Conference Championship Game

#2 No Venmo for Soto (10-5) vs #5 After Further Review (9-6)

Line: No Venmo for Soto (-14.5)

O/U: 252

Previous Matchup: This was another close one. In Week 4, Buckets picked up his first win of the SZN, edging out Woody 139-131. Two weeks later, Buckets would start his epic run of 8 wins in a row. Woody went on to have a streaky, up and down SZN that landed him in 5th. 

Match Preview: For Woody, it’s Josh Allen and a whole lotta hope. Woody lost both his RBs (Jonathan Taylor and Damien Pierce) to SZN-ending injury last week, so he’s hoping their backups will be enough to keep him in the game. 

Buckets put up the second highest score in playoff history, but was it too much too soon. Should he have had some playoff foreplay before putting up so many points? Will it be one and done? Or is he on a PWood-in-2014-type run, where he put up over 630 points in 3 playoff games? If he is, he could be the second back-to-back Toppa Champion, when JD did it in ‘16 and ‘17. 

Merry Christmas and all that! Micho, #nick, Woody and Buckets I guess you’re going to have to ignore their families on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. There’s a Toppa Belt on the line! Fucking VAMOS!!

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